


Felicia

by brightpinkpeppercorn



Category: Ride or Die (Visual Novel)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-15
Updated: 2019-08-15
Packaged: 2020-09-03 01:06:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,011
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20255698
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/brightpinkpeppercorn/pseuds/brightpinkpeppercorn
Summary: Set after Colt divulges Teppei and Logan's plan to MC (Eleanor) and the rest of the crew. Written while book was still updating. I had a lot of fun putting my own spin on MC's feelings and Logan's apology. Hope you enjoy!





	Felicia

Her left index and middle fingers tapped against the power window button while her right hand kept a firm grip on the steering wheel of her 1998 Shokai Fourier. Some of the taps were light and some were heavy enough to cause the window to descend, letting in the cool air of the Los Angeles night. *Ten and two. Put your hands at ten and two, Eleanor. Focus on the road. Just keep going.* To her dismay, the upcoming traffic light switched from green to yellow, making her groan. There wasn’t enough time to cross the intersection so she eased to a stop.

She had to focus on something. Anything to keep her mind off of what transpired in Kaneko’s garage earlier that evening. _Okay. When two vehicles meet on a steep road where neither can pass, the vehicle facing downhill has to yield the right-of-way by backing up until the vehicle going uphill can pass. That’s because the downhill vehicle has more control_ The traffic light had turned red. _Alcohol is soluble because of hydrogen bonding with water, not because they have a hydroxide group._ How long was that light going to stay red? It was like watching the proverbial pot that would never boil. 

Slumping over, Eleanor kept her hands in position and rested her head on the steering wheel. _Why would a guy like Logan even look twice at a girl like Eleanor?_ That was the question of the day, posed by the one and only Cole Kaneko. There was nothing her prestigious school in Mar Vista or the Drivers’ Education manual could have taught her to be able to solve that puzzle. Or how she, likely valedictorian of her class, could have been fooled into thinking that Logan, the gorgeous criminal, would actually have feelings for her. He put on a great act. Sharing his tragic past, teaching her how to drive, giving her his spark plug necklace. Was any of that real? Or all a rouse to gain something from her?

God, was that light still red?! Yes, yes it was. A round of buzzes burst from her phone, making her quickly glance at the device sitting on the passenger seat. Texts from Logan joined the many missed calls and messages from Toby, Ximena, and Mona. Ignoring them, she tried to think of something else. _Phrases contributed by William Shakespeare include: dead as a doornail, all of a sudden, green-eyed monster, star-crossed lovers._ Speaking of star-crossed lovers, that damn Logan. 

When he was good, he was great. Bestowing upon her a first kiss so special, it rivaled any movie she and Riya had swooned over. Spending that sunny afternoon dissecting _Romeo and Juliet_ with her, passion not even Romeo could create fueling the kisses and caresses they shared in between the most romantic sections of the play. That’s when Eleanor evolved form a casual fan of the Bard to one that read through as many of his works as she could, discussing them in hushed tones with Logan in the middle of the night. 

When he was bad, however, he was awful. All of a sudden becoming cold and distant with her, telling her leave, making her feel unwelcome. Temporarily, she was driven into the arms of his rival and fellow crew member, Colt. So, did Logan actually care about her? Is that why he drove her away? Or was that part of his plan?

Eleanor blinked her eyes rapidly, trying to keep the tears from collecting and spilling out of her eyes. A string of long honks caught her attention, alerting her that the light that had switched to green. Pressing her foot on the gas pedal, she let out a sigh of relief. Time to focus on the road again.

Gifted with a photographic memory, Eleanor was able to mindlessly drift through night time traffic. Failing to keep herself distracted, her mind was occupied with the memory of Logan taking his shirt off when she answered that history question correctly. Her fingers tingled as she mentally traced every one of his prominent abdominal muscles. Shifting in her seat, Eleanor tried to solve the derivative of cosine to the, oh it was useless, instead thinking about her body molding into Logan’s, moving rhythmically with him at the rave while their mouths were joined together. That was their last happy moment. 

Why were her thoughts of him so loud? Enough to drown out the traffic around her? It was too silent in teh car. Sliding her fingers off the steering wheel, she found the radio button and pushed it, turning it on and picking a random preset number. 

**_If you’re gonna let me down / let me down gently / don’t pretend that you don’t want me / our love ain’t like water under the bridge _**  
This was the last song Eleanor wanted to listen to and she quickly changed the station. 

**_One taught me love / one taught me patience / and one taught me pain _**  
“Blah!” She made a face. Definitely didn’t want to hear this song. Third time’s a charm! 

** _I don’t want to be your downtime / I don’t want to be your stupid game_ **

Frustrated, Eleanor just pushed the double arrow button on the radio, hoping the next song would have nothing to do with her. Surely, Colt must have called all the radio stations in LA to play songs to taunt Eleanor. Maybe to show her what being ‘King of LA’ really meant. Or whatever it was he was rambling about when he picked her up, in her car, after she stormed out of Kaneko’s garage. Not wanting to be Queen of anything, she ordered him to stop driving, kicked him out of the vehicle, and abandoned him on the sidewalk. 

Without realizing, tears started to spill out of her eyes, rapidly dripping down her cheeks and collecting at the base of her jaw. Reaching into the pocket of her door, she pulled out several napkins and hastily wiped her face. It was fruitless as they kept flowing, starting to blur her vision. Eleanor couldn’t drive in that condition and, to her luck, there was a Jack’s In and Out Box at her next intersection. 

The parking lot was well lit and there were enough people entering and exiting the popular fast food restaurant to allow Eleanor to be invisible. After find a more inconspicuous location, she unbuckled her seatbelt and turned on the air conditioning at full blast. The sudden onslaught of emotions overwhelmed her, flushing her face. 

Running her hands back and forth on her denim clad thighs, Eleanor tried to figure out her next move. She had to talk to someone but who? Picking up her phone, she ignored the now 63 text messages, mainly from Logan, and went to her contact list. Dad? Her heart sank, they hadn’t communicated since that night she ran off and they weren’t ready for a reunion. Darius? Cas much as she loved her friend, he just wouldn’t understand. Her thumb swept past Cole and Logan and landed on Riya’s contact. Biting her lip to keep her jaw from further quivering, she hesitated and almost pressed the ‘call’ button. Almost. She’d blown Riya off so many times to spend the evening with Logan and barely talked to her during the days she did go to school, leaving as early as she could to go hang out at the garage. Eleanor was the last person Riya would want to talk to. 

Unceremoniously, she tossed her phone back onto the passenger’s seat and placed her head in her hands. Silently praying that she wouldn’t heart heartbreaking song, she turned up the volume on the radio and let herself succumb to what felt food at that moment - crying. Shoulder shaking and guttural sounds type sobbing. 

A familiar, comforting jingle from the speakers caught Eleanor’s attention. “Love with us tonight, join Felicia.” A woman’s pacifying, honey smooth voice followed. “Is love on your mind tonight? Is your heart full of joy or has your heart been broken? Share with us tonight, we’d love to hear from you.” Eleanor’s eyes shot wide open and calculating the probability that she’d actually get to talk to Felicia, she scrambled for her phone and called the radio phone line. 

Busy signal. Wiping her face with a napkin, Eleanor laughed to herself. Of course there was a busy signal! There was no way she’d be able to call into a nationally syndicated program. Looking at her phone again, she squared her shoulders. There was also no way she could have pulled off stealing the Verratti or pull off the stadium job but she did. She pushed the ‘call’ button again. And again. Seven more times after that. “One more time, Eleanor, you’re going to get through!” As though she had willed it into the phone, the call went through. A man with an equally appealing voice answered the phone and asked for her name, where she was calling from, and a summary of what she wanted to tell Felicia. With a shaking voice, Eleanor quickly told a story similar to her own, to protect everyone involved. 

Taking several cleansing breaths, Eleanor calmed herself down as she turned off the radio and waited to talk to the radio show host. “Hello, and welcome to Felicia. I have Nellie Langston on the phone from Ann Arbor, Michigan. Hello Nellie, what’s on your soul tonight?” 

Frozen, Eleanor tried to speak but accidentally let out a squeak. Closing her eyes, she channeled the confidence from her last presentation in her AP English class, discussing themes of empowerment found in early 1900s women’s literature. After a gentle reminder from Felicia, she started talking. “Hi, Felicia! Thank you for taking my call. Recently, I met a guy.” She tried not to giggle at the cooing from the radio host. “His name is … Mason …”

“Tell me about Mason. Is bet he’s a heartbreaker.” 

“Um. Yeah. You could say that. There’s another guy, too, his name is …” Why didn’t she think of names when she was on hold? “His name is Cole. Like Colt, a young obstinate horse.” 

“Obstinate. I haven’t heard that word in a while.” Felicia’s laugh made Eleanor more comfortable. “There’s two guys in this picture now, huh?” 

“Not really. I met Mason at the beginning of the school year, my senior year. He, uh, hung out on the other end of the hallway and I didn’t branch out past my two best friends. Well, Mason and I kind of hit it off really well when he asked me to go to a party with him. The party got kind of rowdy and he got me home before the cops arrived. After that, we started hanging out a lot. Introduced me to his friends who aren’t really kids I hang out with.” 

“Sounds like the kids at my school who would smoke and ride around on motorcycles.” 

“Yeah! Kind of like that. I, um, kind of started drifting away from my family and friends because I wanted to be around him and his lifestyle all the the time. I’m used to studying all the time and his life is thrilling and exciting. I helped him with his homework and he taught me how to drive. He was my first kiss, too.” 

“Nellie.” Eleanor expected to be scolded. “This fast, exciting new life. Did Mason make you do anything you didn’t want to do?” 

“No. I was the proactive one and I never did anything I didn’t want to. He actually tried to push me away, stop hanging out with his friends. Said I’d be better off, like, playing Biggle with my Dad.” 

“Hm.” Eleanor held her breath. “Is this where the other young man came in, riding on a horse?” 

“Cole? Yeah. But I don’t think we have enough time to get into everything with him but Colt could relate to me, I guess. I sorta, um, kissed him, too.” 

“So you’ve kissed Mason and Cole now. You sure you don’t feel the need to choose between these two fellas?”

“No. I don’t have any feelings for Cole. Especially after what happened last night.” Felicia encouraged her to continue. “We had celebrated a big school group project by going to a dance party thing and it was really fun. Mason apologized for being so weird with me and everything was fun until we got back to uh, Cole’s house.” Eleanor could feel her voice shake and tried not to cry again. The last thing she wanted was to have everyone hear her ‘cry’ voice. 

“Take a deep breath, Nellie. You’re doing great, sweetheart. Tell me what happened tonight.” 

Eleanor nodded and took the deep breath. “Cole had an unconventional method for completing the group project. Nothing illegal or plagiaristic or anything but it just made me feel … weird? I guess? So if that wasn’t bad enough, that made him get into a fight with Mason. And in front of everyone, Cole said Mason originally started hanging out with me only for help on the school projects. That a cool guy like him wouldn’t even think about hanging out with a nerdy girl like me. He’d used me.” 

“Oh. Nellie. I’m so sorry, honey. Have you talked to Mason since then? Confronted him about this?” 

“He couldn’t look at me. Just said it was true. And I’ve been ignoring his calls and texts all night.” 

There was a long pause on the line and Eleanor started chewing on her bottom lip in anticipation. “Normally, I’d tell you to remove awful people like Mason out of your life. But, I think you care about him deeply and he’s definitely had an impact on your life. So, can you do the following for me, Nellie?” 

“Yeah?”

“Family is the most important thing. You need to reconnect with and even apologize to your loved ones, your family. A good family is the single most important thing, sometimes even above love. Next, you find that Mason. You pull him by the ear. You make him explain himself an apologize. Then you have to make the decision on if your feelings for each other were real and whether or not you want to start over with him.” 

“I … I can do that.” 

“One last thing, my love. Remember this. No one is worth making you feel less than the special person you are. No one is worth the tears of sorrow you’ve cried and the hurt in your heart. If Mason can’t treat you like the superwoman you are, he isn’t worth any more of your time.” 

Eleanor thanked Felicia for her advice and after some pleasantries, she hung up and sat in shock. She couldn’t believe that she’d actually gotten to spill as much as she did. For everyone in the country to listen to. Luickly, Logan wasn’t the type to listen to sappy love songs and radio programs. 

A weight had been lifted off her shoulders and Eleanor was ready. Determined to take control of her situation again. But food first. Before entering the drive thru line, she picked up her phone and typed a quick text to Logan: ** Want to talk? You know where to find me. **

It was only a five mile drive to Griffith Park and, that late at night, Eleanor made a wish on an invisible star that the drive wouldn’t take more than the usual half an hour. Not that she didn’t enjoy driving or was eager to see Logan, she was dreading her upcoming segment on Felicia’s show. When the radio show host announced ‘Nellie’, Eleanor turned the volume down and took a long sip of her strawberry milkshake, preferring the feeling of a brain freeze at that moment. The breath she’d held was released when her segment was over. Nervously, she awaited the song recommended for her situation. 

Scrunching her eyebrows, she waited a few verses before recognizing the song. It was one that occasionally played on that “oldies 80s and 90s” radio station. 

** _And you said I was naive / And I thought that I was strong / I thought ‘hey, I can leave, I can leave’ / Oh but now I know I that I was wrong_ **

Wow. At that point, Eleanor’s thoughts were in such a jumble and the song Felicia picked just hit so close to how she was feeling. How did Felicia know her situation so well? She was a genius! 

Just as the Fourier rounded a corner to start driving through the hills, something on the radio caught her attention. Felicia’s smooth voice, with a chuckle, wafted through the speakers again. “Well, this is a first for our show. There was an outpour of love for dear Nellie from our devoted listeners. Usually we don’t play these messages but Nellie is an extraordinary young man.” Eleanor’s eyebrows shot up. She definitely wasn’t used to such that much positive attention. Three clips were played. 

Clip one: “Hi! This is Brooke from San Francisco!” Another voice joined in, “And Sereena!” There was a back and forth between them, Brooke suggesting ‘Nellie’ talks to ‘Mason’ while Sereena adamantly demanded that she doesn’t waste a minute on him. “Tell him to hit the road, jack! And Felicia can you play ‘Damn You’ for Nellie?” The sing title was bleeped out. 

Clip two: “Hey there, I’m Seth. I’m a comedian in LA! Nellie, here is a good break up line if you decide to see Mason again. Not saying this comes from personal experience, okay maybe it does, so go ahead and use it: Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet and so were you but now the roses are wilted and the violets are dead and sugar bowl is empty and so is your head.” Seth did not have a song suggestion.

Clip three: “Hi, Felicia! I’m a big fan of your show. My name is Quinn. I just wanted to tell Nellie that sometimes we get a second chance in life we never thought we would. And that she’s phenomenal. Oh! If life gives you lemons, make lemonade cupcakes! If you could play ‘Nothing Breaks Like A Heart’ for Nellie, I’d really appreciate it.” 

Another wave of emotions flooded through here. Eleanor had felt alone. The people she loved and grew up with, she’d isolated. The people she’d be spending her time with didn’t care about her. Here were total strangers sending her love and encouragement. If felt equally odd and inspiring, support and validation from complete strangers.

Driving through the winding roads of Griffith Park, she listened to the songs Felicia’s call-in guests had requested, Sereena’s ‘Damn You’ being replaced with ‘Hit the Road, Jack’. Eventually, Eleanor parked in Logan’s special spot, where if snuck around enough walls and fences, she could get a beautiful view of the city. Stepping out of the car, Eleanor stretched her limbs and contemplated going any further. She decided to stay where she was and sat on the hood of her car, hoping Logan would show up soon. 

Leaning back on her elbows, Eleanor removed all thoughts from her mind and focused on the dark sky, catching the faint glint of stars during that clear night. The sounds of the city below her and rustling of the trees and shrubs on the large hill started lulled her into a light sleep. Bright lights from a car’s headlights of that familiar GT Devore woke her up. Logan had arrived.

Watching Logan unbuckle his seatbelt and exit the car, Eleanor noted a nervous energy about him as he ran his fingers through hair before shoving his hands in his pockets. Instinctively, she looked towards the ground, wanting to avoid eye contact and confrontation. She wanted to quell her feelings, push aside her anger and humiliation. Each heavy footstep instilled more dread in her, making her want to jump back into her car and drive as far away as possible. But what would Felicia say? Brooke, Sereena, that guy with the joke? Quinn with the lemonade cupcakes? They wouldn’t be keen on her running away, preferring her to sit up and look him in the eye, make him explain himself. 

Furrowing her eyebrows and pursing her lips, Eleanor sat up straight. She wasn’t going to collapse in front of him, she was going to be calm and strong in front of the guy that broke her heart. Logan stopped in front of her and let out a deep breath. “Hey troublemaker…” Rolling her eyes at the nickname, she swept her hand next to her, inviting him to join her. A playful smile adorned his face and he leaned in close. “Sorry. Let me start over. Hey, Nellie.”

Nellie? Oh god. He heard that radio segment. Probably in the garage, playing billiards with the crew. Probably had the radio on full blast so they could all laugh at the detective’s naive daughter form a nice part of town. Her response was delivered in a cool tone, “Didn’t take you to be a Felicia fan, Mason.” 

Leaning forward, Logan rested his elbows on his bent knees, peering out at the landscape ahead of them. “I like her voice, it’s really nice.” He shrugged. “She gives good relationship advice.” That was met with a scoff from Eleanor. “Look, uh, Nellie, can I explain everything?” 

“That’s why I invited you to meet me, Mason. I’m owed, at the very least, an explanation and the truth.” She pointedly turned her head to look him in the eyes. “Even though I don’t know why I should believe anything you tell me.” 

There was a long pause before Logan spoke again. “That guy, Mason? He met a girl named Nellie. He didn’t know her, didn’t care about her, she was just a random stranger. Someone his crew, his … Palmer Park Crew … could use.” 

“Nellie was just a nobody to Mason.” Wringing her hands, Eleanor tried hard to stay composed at that realization.

“She was. But then Mason got to know Nellie. At some point, it stopped being pretend.” He gestured between the pair. “Logan go to know Eleanor.” 

A frown formed on her face as Eleanor shook her head. “I wish I could believe you.” 

“Then let me speak as Logan. Not Mason.” Logan disclosed everything, how Teppei got a tip about a police investigation and wanted leverage against the lead detective who left him shaken. That leverage was Eleanor. 

“That was when you were sent to seduce me. I mean, that’s when Mason was sent to seduce Nellie.” 

“No. That’s when Mason was sent to earn Nellie’s trust.” He recounted the party, admitting that he was the one that called the police. “If Mason and Nellie shared a secret, something Detective Lira couldn’t know, she’d start to trust him.” 

Sucking her upper lip in between her teeth, Eleanor silently thought about the term ‘heavy heart’, not understanding what it meant until that moment. It was a terrible feeling. Quietly, she replied. “Did you.. Mason? Logan? Feel anything that night?” He nodded. “Was it guilt?” 

“No. Not guilt. When I, Logan, was with you ... I forgot about everything. About the crew, your dad. I was just …” Gingerly, he reached for her arm, lightly touching it. “Happy.” 

She yanked her arm away. “I’m speaking as Eleanor. Who’s so stupid. How could this have turned out any different? You’re a criminal, Logan. You look out for yourself, you try to stay out of prison, keep one step ahead of the police.” Blinking her eyes rapidly, she suppressed laughing at her revelation. “I should’ve known someone like you could never care about someone like me.” 

“Look, Eleanor. The moment you told me your dad’s partner knew about this, I told you go to home. You shouldn’t have been there.” 

Fixating on the city lights ahead of them, Eleanor considered what he said. He was right, she should have left. Long ago. After that drive in movie night. Heck, even after that first drag race. She shouldn’t have let him go on that long and gotten in so deep. “I should have left.” Scowling, she looked back at Logan. “Yo should have come clean to me, Logan. You should have shed Mason a long time ago. Instead of being a jerk, operating on two different settings - ignoring or yelling at me.” 

“Was that when you kissed Cole?” Placing her head in her hands, she groaned. “Sorry. Bad time to ask that question. 

From behind her hands, she scolded him. “Don’t deflect, Logan. That’s none of your business.” 

“I was a jerk because … I was afraid of what would happen. Of what’s happening right now. I hate what Mason did and I’ve been trying to find a way to tell you …” There was the slightest crack in his voice, making Eleanor lift her head back up to face him. Logan’s deep brown eyes, reflecting the lights of Los Angeles, were shimmering. As though they were filled with tears. “This started out as a lie, Eleanor. But if you ask the crew? Xi, Toby, Kaneko, hell even Mona, you’re part of us. We all care about you.” Smoothing his coiffed long brown hair down with his strong hands, he let out a deep breath. “I’m Logan and I’m sorry.” 

“I’m Eleanor and how do you expect me to believe that?” Her voice was quiet, non-threatening. Eleanor sat in incredulity of the whole situation. Of their whole relationship. 

“I can barely believe it myself.” Again, he attempted to touch her arm and this time she allowed it. For the first time, she detected sincerity in his voice. “I can barely believe that some girl I just met takes over my every waking thought.” Against her better judgement, she could feel her anger dissipate, leaning into his touch, scooting in closer to him. “I can’t believe that every time I look at you, I feel like the luckiest bastard on the planet.” Blindly finding her hand with his on the warm metal of the car, his fingers raked back and forth against hers. “I can’t believe I love someone.” 

That wall she put up, strengthened by her talk with Felicia, came crumbling back down. Love? From someone who shunned that emotion, being denied it his whole life? A fresh tear tickled her cheek as it trickled down her face. “Don’t say that, Logan. Please don’t say that now.” 

He wiped his eyes with the back of his free hand. “I need to say it, Eleanor. I think this is the last time I’m ever gonna see you and I don’t want to regret not telling you.” There was then a full crack in his voice as he wiped his eyes again. “I’m not asking you to stay. I’m asking you to believe me when I said I never wanted to hurt you.” 

“You did hurt me. Doesn’t matter if you were Logan or Mason, you hurt me and you didn’t care.” 

“Mason didn’t. I’m done with him, he’s an asshole. I’m Logan and I care. I care so much. I’m so sorry. I’m trying to think of something that I can say to take this all back. Some right combination of words.” 

They sat in silence for a few minutes, their fingers lacing and separating, as Eleanor processed everything he had confessed, reconciling it with her own feelings. People weren’t kidding when they said the truth hurt. It truth really freaking hurt. Worse when it came from someone that she’d fallen hard and fast for. Someone who showed her what life could be: exhilarating, dangerous, fun, frustrating. It was a lot to mull over and she needed time. To figure out who she wanted to be and how exactly he was going to fit into the rest of her life. 

Shifting to face him, Eleanor cupped his face in her hands and took a long look at her companion, appreciating his features. His luxurious, bouncy hair, strong arms, those soft eyes - too soft for the life he’d lived - and those full lips. Momentarily, Eleanor escaped their current situation and concentrated on his lips and how they felt against hers. The kisses during Romeo and Juliet were one thing but that kiss after she’d analyzed Hamlet - Act 4, Scenes 1 through 4, specifically - was another. Taking them both by surprise, she leaned in and pressed her lips against his. Slowly and timidly, he returned her affection. Breaking their kiss, she pulled an inch away, searching his eyes. Her thumbs gently wiped the tears away from his face as she quoted, “This above all: to thine own self be true. And it must follow, as the night. Thou canst not then be false to any man.” Briefly, there was another kiss. “This is goodbye, for now, Logan.” 

Despite saying farewell, Eleanor didn’t move. She actually didn’t want to let go, physically or figuratively. Standing still, she let him move his hand behind her head and bring her closer to him. Her hands fell, grabbing the lapels of his work shirt as their lips met again. Wrapping his other arm around Eleanor’s waist, Logan drew her into him. This kiss was intense, powered by their emotions. After running out of air, Eleanor sighed and knocked her forehead against his, catching her breath. Running his tongue along his lower lip, Logan cleared his throat before speaking. “Doubt thou the stars are fire. Doubt that the sun doth move. Doubt truth to be a liar. But never doubt I love.” Releasing her from his grip, he watched as she hopped off the car and unclasped the necklace he’d been wearing. His spark plug necklace. In his open palm, she deposited the accessory. After thinking for a beat, Logan took her hand, flattening it before pooling the chain in her palm then closing her fingers into a fist. “Keep it to remember me by, Eleanor.”

With a shuddering breath, Eleanor nodded and placed a soft kiss on his cheek. Walking away from him, she turned around when she got to the driver’s side car. “Take care of yourself, Logan. I’ll see you around.”


End file.
